i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
