4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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