a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
