after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
