so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
