i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
