You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
