I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
