my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
