Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
His nipple licking is glorious
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