fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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