Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
