I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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