if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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