i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
