I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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