my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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