I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
