Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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