It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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