life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
