And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
