im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
