pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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