I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
