the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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