Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
