You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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