Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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