so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
