Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
