I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
