I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
