Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
