dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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