am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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