my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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