Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
