we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
