I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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