Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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