It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
