I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
