Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
