The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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