Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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