I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
