I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
