dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
