What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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