you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
